Dumping Vodka

One year ago today, I dumped a half of a bottle of vodka into a rock garden in my back yard. It was around 5pm. I already had two drinks in me with no plans of stopping. This was the last day that I drank any alcohol.

Moments before I dumped that bottle, I had a heated fight with my husband.  I have no clue what it was about.  Heated arguments were a regular occurrence for us and I knew that alcohol was a contributor.  I was in a desperate place.  I wanted my marriage to be right; to be healthy.  I wanted to eliminate any negative contributing factor.  I had to take my life back.  No longer. I would be a slave to alcohol no longer. 

I had quit drinking on many occasions, always returning back to a state of subservience to alcohol.  This time had to be different.  I cried out to God.  He needed to be my strength, my resolve, my purpose, my freedom.  For the first time, I knew I had to commit not to stopping drinking for awhile, or for a year, or for 10 years.  I had to commit to leaving alcohol behind for a lifetime. 

I had lost my ability to drink responsibly years ago.  I have driven while under the influence.  I have driven with my kids in the car when my alcohol level would have far exceeded the legal limit.  I have lead worship music for church gatherings after multiple drinks.  I drank in secret, while alone, at any time of day.  My kids were probably used to the smell of alcohol on me, even if they didn't know what it was.  I have used alcohol to escape, cope, and to bury my soul. 

I still don't think anyone knows or understands the seriousness of the state my problem was in.  I don't know why people like to look away.  But there was no more looking away for me.  I dumped that bottle of vodka in the rock garden and I stared directly at the demon that I let creep into my life. I drew upon the strength of God and declared my freedom.  No longer a slave to alcohol!!!  No longer a victim in a stressed marriage.  Now submitted more fully to life God intended for me. 

Today I can breathe, smile, objectify, reason, cope, stand tall, stand free.  Dumping out that bottle of vodka just may prove to be the most powerful turning point in my life.