One year ago today, I dumped a half of a bottle of vodka into a rock garden in my back yard. It was around 5pm. I already had two drinks in me with no plans of stopping. This was the last day that I drank any alcohol.
Moments before I dumped that bottle, I had a heated fight with my husband. I have no clue what it was about. Heated arguments were a regular occurrence for us and I knew that alcohol was a contributor. I was in a desperate place. I wanted my marriage to be right; to be healthy. I wanted to eliminate any negative contributing factor. I had to take my life back. No longer. I would be a slave to alcohol no longer.
I had quit drinking on many occasions, always returning back to a state of subservience to alcohol. This time had to be different. I cried out to God. He needed to be my strength, my resolve, my purpose, my freedom. For the first time, I knew I had to commit not to stopping drinking for awhile, or for a year, or for 10 years. I had to commit to leaving alcohol behind for a lifetime.
I had lost my ability to drink responsibly years ago. I have driven while under the influence. I have driven with my kids in the car when my alcohol level would have far exceeded the legal limit. I have lead worship music for church gatherings after multiple drinks. I drank in secret, while alone, at any time of day. My kids were probably used to the smell of alcohol on me, even if they didn't know what it was. I have used alcohol to escape, cope, and to bury my soul.
I still don't think anyone knows or understands the seriousness of the state my problem was in. I don't know why people like to look away. But there was no more looking away for me. I dumped that bottle of vodka in the rock garden and I stared directly at the demon that I let creep into my life. I drew upon the strength of God and declared my freedom. No longer a slave to alcohol!!! No longer a victim in a stressed marriage. Now submitted more fully to life God intended for me.
Today I can breathe, smile, objectify, reason, cope, stand tall, stand free. Dumping out that bottle of vodka just may prove to be the most powerful turning point in my life.
