Earlier tonight my husband asked me to bring a beer in from the garage for him. (I was going out there to get something.) I said okay and did it. I immediately knew I did not want to be a part of his drinking any more, in anyway. So, when I came in, and handed him his beer, I told him that I'd like it if he'd not ask me to get beer for him again. He huffed and puffed in that way where he is thinking that I am self-reighteous. I told him that even if he doesn't understand, I still need to ask it of him. He huffed again and walked away.
I need to be consistante and strong and resolved. I will not get sucked into a life of near-daily drinking again.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Here We Go Again...
I quit again. I haven't had a drink for 8 weeks and 3 and a half days. My husband still drinks almost every day. There is alcohol in the house. Usually, in these circumstances, I might last a week, if I'm lucky. I can only attribute my success to God.
I quit in September too, after calling out to God for strength. But it only lasted about 8 days as I started to rely on my own failed resolve. That was a good attempt though. Usually when I quit, I'll make it for 3 or 4 days, then I think one drink won't hurt. Well, maybe that first drink after "quitting" isn't really damaging, but the fact that it always leads to drinking 5-6 days a week is damaging. It's amazing how I've always been able to convince myself that that one drink won't take me back down the same road, but it always does.
This time I'm daily leaning on God, never turning my back or returning to shame and trying to drown it out. (So much more to wrote about in the days/months to come.)
I'm secretly (okay, not secretly now), hoping that this blog will be healing and help keep me on track. I feel like I have so much to share, but no one in my life really gets it, or understands my struggle. But, I've also believe that there are tons of other women out there just like me. Having the same struggle to avoid becoming an alcoholic.
Maybe I am an alcoholic. I'm not entirely sure. What I do know is that alcohol has some power over me if I dance with it in any way.
Here, I will explore my relationship with alcohol and hope that I continue to heal. I also hope to meet and find other women who can relate.
I am a 38-year-old suburban mom with 4 children, a part-time job in a struggling marriage in danger of becoming an addict.
I quit in September too, after calling out to God for strength. But it only lasted about 8 days as I started to rely on my own failed resolve. That was a good attempt though. Usually when I quit, I'll make it for 3 or 4 days, then I think one drink won't hurt. Well, maybe that first drink after "quitting" isn't really damaging, but the fact that it always leads to drinking 5-6 days a week is damaging. It's amazing how I've always been able to convince myself that that one drink won't take me back down the same road, but it always does.
This time I'm daily leaning on God, never turning my back or returning to shame and trying to drown it out. (So much more to wrote about in the days/months to come.)
I'm secretly (okay, not secretly now), hoping that this blog will be healing and help keep me on track. I feel like I have so much to share, but no one in my life really gets it, or understands my struggle. But, I've also believe that there are tons of other women out there just like me. Having the same struggle to avoid becoming an alcoholic.
Maybe I am an alcoholic. I'm not entirely sure. What I do know is that alcohol has some power over me if I dance with it in any way.
Here, I will explore my relationship with alcohol and hope that I continue to heal. I also hope to meet and find other women who can relate.
I am a 38-year-old suburban mom with 4 children, a part-time job in a struggling marriage in danger of becoming an addict.
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