I'm Not Alone

I know I'm not alone.  I may only know of one other woman who is a leader in her church who has also abused alcohol,   but I am guessing we are spattered in thousands of churches throughout the country.

I have been leading worship in local churches for over 20 years.  I started when I was a teen.  I have led worship teams of musicians with over 1000 people in the congregation.  I have come home from leading worship with the onset of a major headache on many occasions, turning to Advil and beer to ease the pain.  I've even gotten McDonald's for the family on the way home and once home spiked my soda with my husband's whiskey, drinking it down before I'd eat my food.  And, I have led worship at evening events after having a couple of drinks.  I have never, ever admitted this to anyone but God. 

Where are the other woman with similar stories?  I haven't found a book or a blog or an article or anything.  Where are the other women who have lived this?  I know there must be many.

I'm not alone. I know it.  But I have lived this for 15 years without sharing and am only doing so know under an alias.  It is shameful.  It is a secret.  How many of us are there out there?  Christian women, leading people in the church with inner battles with alcohol that are never spoken of.