I'm depressed. You know what I used to do when I was depressed? Drink. I'd start drinking at lunch time, unsure of how I'd make it through the day without it.
I'm not sure it ever really helped anything, but I thought things were better. It was a mask at best. Something to consume my thoughts so that my problems wouldn't. When I would drink, that's what I thought about. What am I going to drink now? How much is left? How fast should I drink it to get a buzz? How much is left in the cabinet? How much will I drink openly and how much of it will I hide? Should I eat? If I eat I'll have less of a buzz. I won't eat until I get at least 2 or 3 drinks in me.
That sure did occupy my thoughts. I can see how it got my mind off of things. It was like an obsession.
So I'm depressed this weekend and sober. I've been sleeping and reading more. And I've been praying. I'm okay. I'll be okay. I will face my difficulties without a drink. (9 weeks and 3 days sober.)
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